So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
