My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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