Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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