my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
