i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
