I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
