If that was your dad, he is hot
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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