So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
