Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
