Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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