Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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