Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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