She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
