i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
