love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
