I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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