First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
