your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
