that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
