You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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