we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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