i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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