this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
