I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
