I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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