I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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