piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
