You really coming over, don't trick.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
