Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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