The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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