who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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