shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
