i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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