he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
NoShamevember. You game?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
