$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
