my mouth tastes like poor choices
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
