I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
