Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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