So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
