Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
