My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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