I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
