Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
