so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
