Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
