so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize