so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize