your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
