Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
