All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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