There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize