thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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