OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
