the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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