He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
