I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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