It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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