you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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