the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
