every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
