My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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