I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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