Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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