Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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