Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
