Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Welp...herpes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
