Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
