I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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