i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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