Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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