I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
