you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
