My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
