Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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