brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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