Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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