Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i drank out of a bidet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
