i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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