something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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