dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
