I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
