I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
