I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
