Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You made out with two different species that night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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