haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
