Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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