There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
