I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
