You made me cry and you don't even care
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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