Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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