I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize