can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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