I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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