I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
