Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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