Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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