I hate your face
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
