wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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