the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
