Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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