i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
