i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
