As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
