Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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