I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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