just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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