I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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