Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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